


Another Place & Time

by ellie_renee91



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Ending Relationship, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22914778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_renee91/pseuds/ellie_renee91
Summary: Needing more from your current relationship with a certain hunter... which he can't give you
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Another Place & Time

**Author's Note:**

> This was a song request submitted for just pure angst with Dean

“I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to repeat what you just said,” Dean grumbles just above a whisper, earning me to close my eyes with the crack in my resolve his sadness filled voice causes.

Opening my eyes, I turn back towards him with a soft sigh “Dean–”

Holding his hand up to his side, he shakes his head with a slight humorless laugh “It’s not like I’m shocked alright darlin’, but I thought we agreed–”

“Right we _agreed_ this wasn’t going to be anything more than a hookup when you were randomly regrouping, or whatever you want to call it, in town. Which good on you, that you can continue to do that, but I can’t”

I met Dean two years ago when he started becoming a regular at the bar I was bartending at to get me through school.

Since then I’ve finished Med school and I landed a pretty amazing job at the local hospital in the pediatrics department.

Seeing Dean has either been a couple times a week or months with radio silence.

He’s told me what his job entails, however, something in my gut is telling me the ‘on the go’ mechanic for a racing team is bullshit.

And if I wasn’t head over heels for him or worried I may scare him off, I may confront him about it.

From what I’ve gathered from hushed phone calls and the little bit of information he’s shared, it’s just him and his brother for his immediate family.

They inherited some work space here in Kansas that they will regroup at, otherwise it’s life on the road for them.

Our arrangement has been fine, great honestly if I only base it off of what we’re exceptionally good at, and I really shouldn’t complain because it’s not like my work schedule would allow for any different type of arrangement.

However I want those other parts of a relationship and I want them with him. I want the sides of him he shows me late in the evening, that I know he doesn’t show many people.

The way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention, or the way he gives the best cuddles before he realizes what he’s doing, clears his throat and mutters about an early morning as he gathers his things to leave.

I want to spend holidays with him and late nights learning everything under the stars about him. Not just from me being observant.

I can tell he has known hurt in his life. I know he lost both of his parents and I’ve concluded that the type of relationship he has with his brother is a life or death type of bond.

I know Dean loves fiercely, I also know he won’t allow himself to be loved that way– especially by me.

He keeps me at arms length and has only let his guard down a few times with me– giving me hope, then he leaves and when he comes back something happens. It’s almost like he’s changed overnight.

Our hookups go back to exactly what he proposed them to be all those years ago, all chemistry without the feelings.

Scrunching his lips into a slight pout, he raises his brows quickly as he regards me “What the hell changed?”

“What changed? Seriously Dean– you did! I did– I went and screwed this whole arrangement up by falling in love with you, after you told me that couldn’t happen.”

He clenches his jaw twice before I continue softly “I want to be _with_ _you_ Dean, I just want you– yet you react like I’m asking for you to deliver me the damn moon in the palm of my hand”

“You might as well be” He grumbles lowly in his chest as he brings his hand up to scratch his brow with his thumb.

Letting out a scoff, I shake my head “I feel like you must like me on some level, so why is me wanting to actually be with you that insane of a want on my part? Be with you in the sense that I get to talk to you more than just when you’re in town, or hold your hand or actually get a hug for longer than the length of a quick goodbye.”

Dean makes a noise and lifts both hands out to his sides with his quick reply “Because that would allow you to get close to me.” 

The deep rumble of his voice sends shivers down my arms, before he continues with a quick shake of his head “And you can’t. You can’t get close to me because of what my life is! I do care about you, I care about you too damn much to let you get dragged down or hurt because of me”

Completely confused yet curious, I shake my head and take a chance at finally learning what he actually does “What about your life is that scary that you’re scared of me getting hurt? You’re an ‘on the go mechanic’ what the hell is so life threatening with that?”

I don’t receive a reaction to my words other than watching the tick in his jaw as he clenches his teeth together a few times, before I take a step closer to him whispering “Dean”

He reacts to my step towards him by making a noise and taking a step backwards, it’s a small step but it speaks volumes.

With a slight shake of my head, I lick my lips quickly and cross my arms in front of me “I know you aren’t a mechanic– have for quite some time now actually, but it hasn’t really mattered that much to me to address why you’re keeping it a secret from me. I think it matters now though, what the hell are you?”

Moving his tongue back and forth across the top of his lip as he digests my words, he offers a slight shrug like it’s obvious “I’m no good for you is what I am.”

I shrug a shoulder and drag out my words as I make small moves to tilt from one side to the other “Soo is that the mob, ooor some drug cartel?”

Dean lets out a humorless quick chuckle before lifting his arm up to rub a hand over his mouth, muttering roughly as he connects his eyes with mine again “it’s worse and I should have known better than to think that this could have worked.”

I draw my brows in– confusion all over my features, earning him to sigh and elaborate “I was fucking wrong for thinking I could ask this of someone like you. That going about it the way I did would make you not get hurt in the long run. You’re too good for someone like me and the life I lead”

I scoff and drop my arms out to my sides “Why are you so convinced that you aren’t deserving of someone like me? Dean I love–”

“You don’t” Dean interrupts quickly, causing me to snap my mouth closed with the harshness behind his words.

Licking his lips and narrowing his eyes slightly, he shakes his head once and continues “you don’t love me”

Tilting my head to the side, I make a noise to counter “well you can continue to convince yourself that I don’t, however I do Dean. I love you more than I probably should.”

Something flashes in his eyes, but otherwise he stays silent. So I take a deep breath and let it out quickly “I knew the stipulations we agreed on, I broke your number one so I’m– I’m ending this to hopefully not get any more hurt than I already will be from saying goodbye to you.”

I look down to my feet quickly before I look back up to him, voice cracking slightly as I continue to be strong “For once in my life, I need someone to pick me first– if that’s not going to be you, then I have to do it for myself.”

Nodding his head slightly, I hear him take a quick breath in as he looks up to the ceiling. 

Connecting his eyes with mine again, my heart breaks at the sadness swimming throughout his eyes.

He clears his throat, however his voice still betrays him and breaks slightly with his first words “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that– maybe in a different life, but not this one. Not with the cards I was dealt.”

I walk up to him slowly gauging if he’s going to take a step back again– which thankfully he doesn’t.

Coming to a stop right in front of him, I smile sadly as I move my eyes between his quickly a few times before I reach up and set my hand gently against his cheek. 

I watch as he closes his eyes and leans ever so slightly into my touch, before I fight back the tears threatening to fall over and lean forward. 

Closing my eyes, I place a soft, feather light kiss on the corner of his mouth. 

Feeling Dean rest his hand on the side of my hip with the action, I rest my forehead against the side of his face and whisper into the quiet room around us “Another place and time then, right?” 

Watching as he swallows thickly with my words, I pull back and hastily wipe the traitorous tear that has fallen as I step away from him. 

Feeling the weight his hand leaves behind long after it falls from my side, I take quick steps over to my front door and open it– solidifying my decision that nothing is going to change the way I wish it would. 

I close my eyes when I hear him clear his throat and take the however many steps towards me until I can feel his presence as he’s waiting in the open doorway. 

Opening my eyes I see him standing next to me, however his focus is out into the hall of my apartment complex. 

Dean sniffles quickly, wiping his thumb and forefinger over both of his eyes before he turns to me. 

He makes a noise in his throat before he leans closer to me, setting his hand on my hip again and kisses my temple– earning me to close my eyes to savor the feeling of him against my skin one last time.

He doesn’t pull back right away, instead he leaves his lips against my skin to murmur just barely loud enough for me to hear “take care of yourself” before he’s pulling away and walking out of my life as quickly as he walked in.


End file.
